My True Self
by auburnhairedgoddess
Summary: Gretchen writes in her diary about how she really feels after confessing to Cady. Is the real Gretchen quite insecure? Updated by request. STORY COMPLETE! Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

This is only my second fanfiction so please be nice if you comment.

This story centres on Gretchen. She expresses in her diary how she would like to be free from Regina's control. Meant to written after her big confession to Cady. Oneshot. Please R&R.

Contains some mild language and sexual references.

I do not own Mean Girls.

**My True Self**

Dear diary,

Oh my God, I totally snapped today. All that jealousy I felt towards Cady, I just couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was going to self-destruct when I had to read my Shakespeare essay to the class. And the next thing I knew, Cady was putting her arm around me, telling me everything would be ok and did I want to tell her anything. Suddenly, I didn't care about what she thought of me and sobbed my heart out as I told her all about how mean Regina really is. I couldn't wait to finally tell someone on my ban wearing hoop earrings! I'll never forget mom and dad's faces when I said that those _gorgeous _white gold hoops were "so last season…" to think that they're still in a box under my bed to stop me from looking at them! But Regina would tear them out my ears if she ever saw me wearing them. I just wish that I could dress my way one day and not have to worry about upstaging her.

And I told Cady about Shane Oman too! I knew I should never tell anyone that on pain of death but some secrets can only be kept for so long. After a while, either its been replaced with a new one or everyone's found out about it one way or another. I felt so guilty about betraying Regina but if she really wanted it to be kept a secret, she wouldn't tell anyone, right? I mean, she knows I'm the supply if gossip, what did she expect? Come to think of it, she expects a lot of things. Just for once, I'd loved to select an outfit from my closet that doesn't make me feel like a robot and think, ponytails are in fashion, I'll wear one all week! God, what is wrong with "so fetch!" Why can't she listen to my ideas for once, I might have something to say too, just for one moment I'd like my opinions respected AND BE MY OWN PERSON!

Even when I'm alone with Jason, I can't be myself. For him, I'm his chick who never says no and will always be waiting with open arms for when his on/off relationship with that slutty, scum-sucking ho-bag Taylor Weddell is over…Sure the sex is good, especially the make-up sex but once it's over, I feel empty again. I don't even know who the real me is. Oh well, at least I can confide in Cady now. I'm going to bed.

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	2. Chapter 2

Here's the new chapter and it's a bit longer this time. It's set after Gretchen tells Regina that she can't sit with the others because of what she's wearing. There will be three more after this.

**Chapter 2 ****– **

Dear diary,

I can't believe what happened today. Regina just abandoned us. Karen and I really needed to talk to her after our phone conversation last night. Whatever happened to our sisterhood rules? She's just breaking them all these days, I don't know what's come over her. I mean, I know Karen can be a bit too guy-crazy but come on, calling her a slut and a whore in one phone call is too much! So, we sat down at lunch and I told Regina that she was blatantly violating one of our concrete rules: wearing sweat pants on a Monday. I couldn't believe it when she didn't seem to care, I mean, she made that rule, Karen can testify to that! In the end, I just couldn't take it anyone and screeched: _"You can't sit with us!"_ There was suddenly silence and I regretted it right away. I felt sure Regina was going to send me packing to the art freak table for a week but she just said that sweat pants were the only thing that fitted her and she said it in a voice that I'd never heard her used before. Like she was disappointed with herself or something. We all just sat and said nothing and the next thing we knew she walked away telling us to walk home ourselves. She didn't look where she was going and walked straight into this random fat girl, spilling all her lunch. And she told Regina she was fat and the whole cafeteria laughed! I would put a bullet in my head if anyone said that to me. But I'm not in any danger of that happening anyway, I'm still eating my usual salad, apple and Diet Coke, whereas I lost count about how much I saw on Regina's plate: they had carbs written all over them. She's still eating those Kalteen bars but I swear they're making her fat.

On the bright side, I've been picking out my Spring Fling dress, it's so fetch! My dreams have come true, I've never been nominated as the prom queen nominee! Maybe I really am pretty after all. I don't know how Janis Ian got in there though. Probably all the other dykes in the school voted for her. God knows what Regina's going to wear. I was secretly pleased when she couldn't get that zip to do up in the store, it proves we can't all be perfect!

Oh, and another good thing: Cady's having a house party this weekend and Regina isn't going! Finally, I can wear whatever I want! Plus, this is the perfect opportunity to get back with Jason again. This looks like it's finally going to be my year! I can't wait for Saturday! I'm going to bed now.

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	3. Chapter 3

Here's the third chapter. Two more still to go. This one is set after the Burn Book war and Regina's hit by the bus.

**Chapter 3 **

Dear diary,

Oh my God, the school went crazy today and Regina was totally behind it, even though she won't admit it. This morning, I was called into the principal's office and Karen and Regina were in there too. Mr Duvall held the Burn Book in front of us and said that Regina had just handed it in, saying that Karen, Cady and I had written it! Regina just stood there with a big grin on her face, what a nerve she had! She didn't say a word to us and as soon as Cady appeared, she left. We all got a lecture about what we'd done and even though I tried to defend us, nothing worked. To think that my reputation could be permanently ruined because of this! I was going to get my dad to get a lawyer arranged, but because of what happened later, I decided not to mention it. The secretary burst into the office and said that all the girls were fighting outside. We went out the room and I couldn't believe what I saw. There were pages scattered all over the school, either stuck on lockers or in a pile on the floor. Every girl was holding a sheet and I heard them read aloud the comments we had written about them in the Burn Book, closely followed by them launching an attack on who they thought had written it. There was a full-scale girl fight going on in every direction and eventually, Mr Duvall turned the sprinklers on to get us to calm down and we were all told to gather in the gymnasium. I took ages doing my hair this morning, I can't believe it could be messed up now!

Mr Duvall was threatening to keep us here all night until we'd learned our lesson and almost cancelled the Spring Fling! I thought my new dress would never see the light of day in that case! Then Ms Norbury made us all take part in these stupid exercises to make us understand our problems with each other better. Regina then stood up and said that some of us were just victims and Ms Norbury made us raise our hands if we'd ever felt personally victimised by Regina. Everyone in the entire hall put their hands up, even Mr Duvall! I put mine up automatically and Karen looked at me for clarification and then raised her hand too. It felt so good to admit how I felt!

Then we all had to get up on a platform and read out an apology to someone then let the others underneath the platform catch us, symbolising forgiveness. Karen told everyone the Barnes and Noble incident again, just when I thought everyone had forgotten about that, she brings it up, could this day get any worse? Then I simply said my apology to everyone: sorry for being so popular. I mean, come on, how could anyone not be jealous… right? I really couldn't think off anything else to be sorry for, I don't do anything wrong. Anyway, I threw myself into the crowd only to land with a thud on the hard floor. For some reason, everyone had backed away, except Karen! She nearly broke her wrist in that fall and I bet my back's bruised now.

Then Janis Ian said her apology. She said that she had teamed up with Cady on the first day and made it her mission to destroy Regina's life! Every bad thing that had happened up till now was because of them! Those Kalteen bars were making her fat, Cady made Aaron break up with Regina and they somehow turned Karen and I against Regina! I couldn't believe it and the next minute, Regina, with watery eyes, ran out the school with Cady following her. The rest of us followed them outside, where we saw the two of them arguing in the middle of the road. I don't know what Regina was saying but she was going mad, yelling in a way I'd never seen before. Then it all happened so fast. I just saw a flash of yellow as the school bus drove along at top speed and ploughed into Regina. She lay there on the road and Karen and I stood frozen. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics said she wasn't dead but she was in a critical condition. We all had to give the police a statement but I was too choked up to talk. I'm going over to visit her tonight. _Please_ let her be okay.

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	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four now. One more to go after this. This one is set on the same night as the school prom.

**Chapter 4**

Dear diary,

Well, I may as well say it right away: I wasn't prom queen. Cady won. For once though, I don't feel jealous, surprisingly because Cady managed to include us all in her glory. Before I left the house, I was really nervous. I felt confident in my dress, though and even though I knew there was a chance that Regina may win again, I was just glad to have been nominated. I thought it was another good way to get Jason to notice me too.

So, when we finally stood on the stage to hear the winner I wondered where Cady was. I couldn't believe that I was standing on the same stage as Janis Ian, I mean, she was practically dressed in drag, for crying out loud! When Mr Duvall announced the winner, my heart sank a bit, I couldn't pretend not to be disappointed. As mean as it sounds, I'm just pleased that it wasn't Regina. Cady started saying a speech which has never happened before. She said that she'd never been to a prom before and pitied everyone who wanted to be prom queen so badly and then she complimented some of the girls in the crowd. She even took the blame for the Burn Book, which must have taken some guts. She didn't even tell Mr Duvall that it was us. Even if we don't remain friends, I guess I'll always respect that loyalty. She then did the most unbelievable thing: she wrenched the crown apart! But then she threw a piece to myself, Janis and Regina and chucked the spare parts into the crowd. I took my little moment of glory when I could and proudly held up my piece as everyone clapped. At least I got some recognition!

So, then we all started dancing again and Jason came up to me and asked if I wanted to get back together. As much as I wanted to say yes and jump into his arms like old times, I knew I just couldn't take his crap anymore. If anyone was going to end this relationship, I was! I told him: "No, Jason. It's over, for good. And I couldn't be happier, because quite frankly, you used me and treated me like dirt!" Then I gave him a well-deserved slap. Not like the defensive slap at Cady's party to cover up embarrassment. A proper one. "You're welcome to Miss Weddell now," I finished and walked off to find a new dance partner. I've always wanted to show some bad-ass attitude! This is the best prom ever!

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No, it's not over yet. Still one more part to go. Please leave a review! 


	5. Chapter 5

Here's the final chapter. This one is set during the epilogue when we find out how each of the Plastics ended up. Enjoy!

**Chapter 5 **

Dear diary,

I'm really settling into my new clique. I never realised that the Cool Asians were so, well, cool! These girls have some serious style and there's no fashion rules, as long as you don't wear any old thing, it's got to make a statement. For the first time, I can wear black. Regina had outlawed every dark colour possible, except for skirts. I think she did it that day when I went to school wearing a black dress and shoes and she was convinced that I'd gone goth. I was getting tired of pink as well, I'm loving all the great colours and patterns I can wear now, and I can use them to express my personality. I've also straightened my hair to fit in a bit more, I would never have guessed that it looked this good! And I can wear hoop earrings for the first time – I'm going crazy, buying every colour possible! I've been introduced to new hobbies now rather than just spending half my life shopping and the other half talking on my cellphone. I'm also learning a bit of Vietnamese to get on their level a bit more. The girls know lots of cute boys as well, I'm sure that one of them would make a good replacement for Jason!

I actually saw Regina today and I had never seen her looking as carefree as she did. She was dressed simply in a long-sleeved grey t-shirt and black jeans, a far cry from her usual look. She didn't look as uptight as I'd remembered. She looked so comfortable with herself like I now do. I still see Karen and Cady occasionally too but we don't talk exactly, we just say hi and wave or something. I guess we could have slipped back into our old ways if we did get back together anyway. I feel like I'm totally my own person these days – I'm calling the shots and deciding my fate. Life is good!

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That's the last one, hope you enjoyed it, and please review! 


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